The Confidence Myth That’s Holding Women Leaders Back
By James Fleming, Co-Founder and Managing Director, The Power Within Training
The Confidence Myth in Leadership That’s Holding Too Many Women Back
I’m going to start with something that might sound a bit blunt.
Confidence is wildly overrated.
Or more accurately, the way people think about confidence is wildly misunderstood.
Over the years working with leaders, business owners, and managers, I’ve had countless conversations with incredibly capable women who say some version of the same thing.
“I just need to feel more confident first.”
Confident before speaking up.
Confident before putting themselves forward.
Confident before stepping into the next role.
And every time I hear it, I’m always tempted to ask the same question.
Where exactly do people think this magical confidence switch lives?
Is there a day where you wake up and suddenly think, Right, that’s it, I’m ready now?
Because I’ve been in leadership for a long time, and I can tell you something honestly.
That moment rarely arrives.
The Biggest Myth About Leadership Confidence
Somewhere along the way we’ve absorbed this idea that confident leaders feel confident before they act.
That they walk into meetings full of certainty.
That they always know what they’re doing.
That they’re calm, assured, and never questioning themselves.
It’s a nice image.
It’s also mostly nonsense.
Some of the most experienced leaders I know still walk into big decisions thinking, I hope this is the right call.
They still feel nerves before important conversations.
They still have moments of doubt.
The difference is they don’t wait for confidence before they act.
They act anyway.
And confidence grows afterwards.
What I See All the Time
When The Power Within Training works with women in leadership roles, one pattern shows up again and again.
Not a lack of ability.
Not a lack of intelligence.
Not even a lack of leadership capability.
What we see is a lot of talented women quietly holding themselves to standards that no one else in the room is holding.
They’re thinking things like:
“I need to know a bit more first.”
“I should probably wait until I’m fully ready.”
“What if I get it wrong?”
Meanwhile, someone else with half the preparation is happily sharing their opinion without a second thought.
It’s one of the strange paradoxes of leadership.
The people who care deeply about doing things well are often the ones who question themselves the most.
And the people who question themselves the least aren’t always the ones you’d want leading the room.
The Real Issue Isn’t Confidence
When people say they lack confidence, they usually assume the problem is skills.
Maybe they need better communication skills.
Maybe they need more leadership training.
Maybe they need another qualification.
But in most cases, that isn’t the real issue.
The issue is the thinking sitting underneath the behaviour.
This is exactly what our Motivational Intelligence framework explores.
It helps leaders understand the beliefs and thinking patterns that drive how they show up under pressure.
Because behaviour always follows belief.
If you believe you need to be perfect before speaking, you’ll stay quiet.
If you believe leadership means having all the answers, you’ll avoid situations where you might look unsure.
If you believe confidence means never showing doubt, you’ll spend a lot of energy trying to protect your image.
None of these behaviours are random.
They’re logical outcomes of the beliefs sitting underneath.
And once you start seeing those beliefs clearly, things begin to change.
The Confidence Pattern I See Over and Over
Let me share something I’ve noticed after years of coaching leaders.
Confidence doesn’t appear before people step up. It appears after they’ve survived stepping up.
The first time someone leads a difficult conversation.
The first time they challenge an idea in a meeting.
The first time they take responsibility for a decision.
Those moments rarely feel confident at the time. Usually they feel slightly uncomfortable. Sometimes very uncomfortable.
But afterwards something interesting happens.
People realise they handled it, and that’s when confidence begins to grow.
Not from motivational quotes.
Not from someone telling them to “believe in themselves”.
But from experience.
From evidence.
From doing things they once thought they couldn’t do.
A Question I Often Ask Leaders
When I’m coaching someone who says they lack confidence, I’ll often ask a simple question.
What would you do this week if confidence wasn’t the barrier?
Would you speak up more in meetings?
Would you challenge something that doesn’t feel right?
Would you put yourself forward for the opportunity you’ve been quietly watching from the sidelines?
Most people know the answer straight away.
The interesting part is realising that confidence doesn’t need to come first.
Movement does.
One Final Thought
The confidence myth in leadership is holding too many good leaders back.
Confidence isn’t something you wait for.
It’s something you build.
Usually in small moments.
Speaking up when it feels easier to stay quiet.
Taking responsibility when it would be easier to step back.
Backing yourself slightly before you feel completely ready.
And over time, those small moments add up.
Until one day you realise you’re doing things that once felt impossible.
Not because confidence arrived first.
But because you moved anyway.
Want to Strengthen Your Confidence as a Leader?
The Power Within HER, the sister brand of The Power Within Training, runs Women in Leadership programmes designed to help women build confidence, develop leadership presence, and understand the thinking that shapes how they lead.
They’re also hosting a free online webinar with Women in Construction: The Power Within HER:
Elevate HER Confidence: Upgrade Your Self-Belief & Presence
? 20th April
? 11:00am – 12:00pm
In this session you’ll explore how to overcome self-doubt, strengthen confidence using Motivational Intelligence principles, and communicate with greater authority.
You can also follow The Power Within HER on LinkedIn to stay connected with insights and conversations supporting women in leadership.
Because confidence doesn’t suddenly appear one day.
But leadership has a funny way of building it.
James Fleming
The Power Within Training
The Motivational Intelligence Company
james@tpwtd.com
