Why We Lose Our Self-Leadership (and How to Get It Back)

Do you ever catch yourself thinking, “I’m not cut out for this”? Or “I should be further ahead by now”? Or even, “They’ll figure out I’m winging it soon”?

That little voice in the back of your head is exhausting. We all have it. And the worst part is, it’s not even telling the truth.

We don’t get taught how to handle that voice or how to lead ourselves when things feel uncertain. We’re not shown how to build belief when we’ve had years of reasons not to. Instead, we learn to play it safe. Keep our heads down. Don’t rock the boat.

But here’s the thing: we weren’t born that way. Not even close.

 

You Were Born Knowing How to Fail

That’s what one of my favourite parts of our Self-Leadership Programme is all about. We call it: Fail Like a Child.

Because when you watch a toddler learning to walk, you realise something powerful.

They fall… constantly. Face first. Into carpets, furniture, the dog… doesn’t matter. And then what do they do?

They get back up.

No hesitation, no overthinking, no shame. Just: fall, get up, try again. Over and over, until one day they’re walking. Running. Climbing up onto things they’re definitely not meant to be on.

That’s what self-leadership looks like before the world gets to us.

Before someone told you to sit down and stop trying so hard. Before someone laughed at your big idea. Before you learned to lower your voice or shrink your ambition to make other people more comfortable.

At some point, we started calling those falls ‘failures’. We started attaching meaning. Shame. Doubt. And that’s when we stopped trying.

 

My Own Version of That Voice

I know that voice. Believe me.

I left school with nothing. I struggled with dyslexia and ADHD long before anyone was talking about it. And I’ve been the guy who got sacked. The guy who felt like he didn’t belong. The guy everyone underestimated (including himself).

Even years later, running global teams and launching businesses in the Middle East, that voice still showed up. Still tried to tell me I wasn’t ready. That I wasn’t the “type” to lead something big.

And when I started The Power Within Training, it shouted louder than ever.

“You’ve got too big for your boots.” “Know your place.” “What if you fail — publicly?”

But I’ve learned that that voice doesn’t go away. You just get better at challenging it.

 

The Power of MQ, and Why It Changed Everything

The biggest shift for me came when I discovered Motivational Intelligence (MQ) — the mindset that explains why we do what we do, how we respond to challenge, and where our beliefs come from.

MQ gave me language for things I’d felt my whole life but never understood. It explained why some people keep growing through hardship while others stay stuck. Why two people can face the same problem, and one gives up, while the other rises.

That mindset is the backbone of The Power Within Training. We don’t just teach leadership skills. We help people uncover the belief that’s been buried under years of self-doubt and “not good enough.”

And it’s personal. Because I’ve lived it. And I know how bloody hard it is to quiet that voice when it’s been shouting at you for years.

 

Why We Built the Self-Leadership Programme

We built the Self-Leadership Programme for people like you – the leaders, managers, business owners who everyone else looks to for answers. The ones who carry the pressure quietly. Who know they’ve got more to give, but feel stuck behind a wall they can’t name.

It’s not about hype or hustle, it’s about rebuilding belief from the inside out.

It’s about learning to fail without shame, understanding the mindset that’s been running the show, taking responsibility — and taking your power back.

And reminding yourself who you were before the world taught you to doubt it.

 

Final Thought

You were never broken. You were just taught to stop trying.

But that version of you — the one who got up 200 times an hour without fear or embarrassment — is still there.

They’re just waiting on you to come back.

If this resonates with you, maybe it’s time. Not to start over, but to remember.

We’ve got a programme that can help you do exactly that. It’s online, self-paced, and yours for life for £250.

But more than anything, we’ve got a way to help you lead yourself again.

 

James Fleming
The Power Within Training,
The Motivational Intelligence Company
james@tpwtd.com